My Transgendered Nephew

Greetings:

Please bear with me as I write this blog. I am still processing this experience and I welcome your input. A few days ago a part of my mind opened up to a reality to which it had previously been closed.

Thirty-three years ago I witnessed the birth of my niece Kamari. She was a beautiful baby girl who grew into an extraordinarily gifted and talented musician, singer, song-writer, rapper, dancer and skate boarder. She dated one boy in high school that I know of and hung with other boys as friends. She attended her high school prom with a boy and wore a traditional prom dress. A year or so later, she escorted her first real girlfriend to her girlfriend's prom. This time Kamari wore a tuxedo. That was the year our family came to grips with the fact that Kamari was a lesbian. Kamari's parents, who are also the pastor and first lady of the church she attends, did not and do not approve of Kamari's lifestyle. However -- like the rest of our family, we all love Kamari immensely. Everybody does. Even the You Tube community.

At this point, I'm going to switch pronouns or not use them at all because Kamari officially transgendered from a self-proclaimed "tomboi" during the You Tube era. The transition literally unfolded in front of the world on You Tube. I learned more about Kamari by watching the You Tube videos than I ever would have learned through simple conversations. Kamari's following on You Tube is so large that You Tube actually pays him to post his videos regularly.

My relationship with Kamari changed this year as I gained a deeper understanding of who he is. The first breakthrough was when I was teaching a Zumba class at the church. I introduced Kamari as my niece to a friend. My friend seemed to totally dismiss the fact that I said "niece" and began asking me questions about "him." Kamari could see that I was perplexed and later asked me to refer to her as "him," not to use pronouns and not to "out" her to people. The second breakthrough occured when I saw Kamari enter the men's bathroom at church. Still -- I really didn't get it until a few days ago.

I work as a nurse educator at a local hospital. Kamari came in to have a hysteretomy. I was on duty and went into the recovery room to check on him. Totally forgetting about the 'no pronouns' thing I asked the nurse if Kamari's mom could see her. Having no idea that I was a relative, the nurse gently and professionally "corrected" me. "I know it might be confusing because Kamari had a hysterectomy", she said, "but Kamari is a man. He is a transgendered male. His girlfriend is here and she knows about it. I am telling you because this is a very sensitive situation and we need to be respectful of him and his family." Needless to say, that nurse endeared herself to me that day. I was very pleased to hear what she would say about Kamari to someone who did not know the situation. I also saw that Kamari was listed as a male patient on the board. It took strangers to make me aware that Kamari is really no longer my niece but is now my nephew. Right or wrong, good or bad, real or not real -- I love Kamari for who Kamari is. How could I not?